Thick Moustache: Gentlemanly Studies on Modern Leisure

Sean is Feeling the Heat

Posted by Asif on August 12th, 2011

Sean's prepared to be past around like the last cigarette.

You may have noticed that Sean hasn’t posted anything in the last few weeks. Well, I’m not going to sugarcoat it: Sean is on the run from the law. He fled to Tennessee to evade capture over some alleged pedophile charges. Sean must have felt the long arm of the law reaching over and grabbing his ass, preparing him for the sensual delights awaiting in prison, because he’s gone completely off the grid. We have no idea where he is. Even if we did, we can’t say, because the last communication we had with Sean was just a cryptic email that simply stated, “If you tell anyone where I am I’ll kill you next.”

What’s funny about all this, which is a probably lot less funny if you’re Sean or someone he may have murdered, is that the charges have been dropped. It turns out the child involved with the allegations wasn’t a child at all. It was actually a midget, or a “little person” as they liked to be called to their face, pretending to be a child. I don’t know what kind of sicko would pretend to be a kid, seduce another adult, then report them to the police, but it’s disturbing. The good news is that whatever happened between Sean and the midget in the back of Sean’s unmarked white van was completely legal. So, he’s off the hook. The bad news is that Sean could be dead as far as we know. On the off chance that Sean has the Internet access wherever he’s holed up or, in the case that he’s dead, has Internet access in the afterlife, we’re hoping he gets back in touch. These Minecraft articles aren’t going to write themselves.

3 Responses to Sean is Feeling the Heat

  1. At least there’s always the Sean-bot to take his place…

    • While Sean-Bot is always ready for action, he isn’t much of a wordsmith. He’s more of a cold, metallic hand job in a rainy back alley kind of robot.

  2. Pingback: Thick Moustache | Sean Has Been Found

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