Posted by Asif on October 12th, 2011
David and I played the new Portal 2 DLC last night. Needless to say, we solved some puzzles, had some laughs, and murdered each other for science. All in all, it was good, clean fun.
Unbeknown to us and our innocent minds, Portal has a dark side, outside of all the times GLaDOS implies she would be pretty much fine if you were dead or when I tried to put a portal under David’s feet in such a way that he fell directly into a pit of insta-death acid. It seems that the junior detectives of the Internet have figured out that Portal 2 originally had a rape scene involving Cave Johnson and Caroline that was later cut from the game. Why would Valve cut a rape scene from in between all of the jokes not about rape? Portal 2 writer Erik Wolpaw has an answer.
“There’s some piece of dialogue in there where Carolyn is saying ‘No, no, no, I don’t want this. I don’t want this,’” Wolpaw said. “And there’s some kind of story on the Internet that apparently people think has been verified that there was a scene where Cave Johnson was raping Carolyn, and that J.K. Simmons wouldn’t read the dialogue, so that’s why we don’t have it [in the game]. Apparently these are people who never saw [prison drama] Oz. J.K. Simmons will do anything if you pay him.
To verify Erik Wolpaw’s statements, we called J.K. Simmons’ agent to find out if he would take a steaming dump in the mouth of whoever came up with the Portal 2 rape rumor. The only questions his agent asked us? How much would we pay and would there be a craft service table.