Thick Moustache: Gentlemanly Studies on Modern Leisure

Assassin’s Creed Embers features Old Fart Ezio

Posted by David on July 25th, 2011

Ezio stand near a fireplace. The thrills just don't stop!

In an effort to stuff out any hope I had for this story concluding in anything close to an efficient way (too late), Ubisoft has revealed that our hero Ezio of Assassin’s Creed II and Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood, will be shown struggling with old age in an animated short, Assassin’s Creed: Embers. I can only assume this will mostly be about his swollen prostate, a tragic dependence on male fertility drugs, and the struggles of changing your own adult diapers.

In all honesty, I just want Assassin’s Creed to come to a graceful end. I never finished the first one because it was a frustratingly boring pile of shit. I’m amazed I even picked up the second one, but after many an assurance that it didn’t suck, the franchise won me over. The last two games ended in cliff hangers, and the whole thing is threatening to lose me once again because they don’t know how to end a fucking story.

So seriously, Ubisoft. Let’s wrap up the Desmond saga this time around and move onto other things. Ancient Japan, anyone? Maybe some futuristic assassins? Or just some closure, please? Please?

[Source: Kotaku]

Comments are closed.

'StacheCast: Every Tuesday!
RSS | iTunes

One Last Missive

One Last Missive

A transmission for those who are lost.

Let's Play: Every Friday!

Portal 2: Peer Review – Part 6

Portal 2: Peer Review – Part 6

Seriously, let's play Portal 2.

6. “Urine?”
Big surprise, we solved some puzzles. Bigger surprise? We didn’t spend a good fifteen minutes staring at the walls in hopes of figuring it out. Yup, we really had our genius hats on for this one, right up until our enlarged genius-brain filled heads couldn’t fit through the exit door. Then we took off our genius caps and promptly realized we were still morons.