Thick Moustache: Gentlemanly Studies on Modern Leisure

GameStop’s Bid to Rule Everything

Posted by Asif on September 21st, 2011

Say hello to your future gaming overlords.

Not content to just sell boxed games and magazine subscriptions anymore, GameStop continue to extend their reach farther and farther. Over the last several years, game retail has been shrinking and it’s no surprise. The grind of walking into a GameStop and surviving the interrogation of the GameStop Homicide Detective/Assistant Manager in order to earn the right to hand them money is obsolete when the only question Amazon asks is how fast do I want my game disc shot from a canon directly into my console’s disc drive. Steam just asks if it’s cool to upload pure enjoyment straight to the pleasure center of my brain. A neckbearded, high schooler in a red polo can’t compete with that.

Recently, GameStop has been using its mountains of money to buy their way into every game distribution frontier imaginable. They acquired a game streaming service and an online PC game retailer not too long ago. In the last few weeks, they’ve made a strong push into mobile gaming, by accepting all iOS devices as trade-ins, as well as preparing to sell a GameStop-approved android tablet. To avoid becoming completely marginalized and irrelevant like Blockbuster, GameStop is willing to conquer all possible avenues of the future, not by being good at anything, but just by throwing a lot of money around.

Let me be clear: I’m not saying that’s wrong – in fact, I’m saying that’s great – especially if they want to throw a lot of money at this very site. We’ll say pretty much anything if it’s corporate sponsored, including out-and-out lies, like “GameStop is great”.

With GameStop throwing around all this money, it’s nice to know that when future games are beamed directly into our freaking heads, GameStop will probably be right there at the forefront, beaming some jackass into my skull to ask me about pre-orders. I’ll tell that future magic person in my head the same thing I tell the GameStop Sheriff Deputy/Sales Clerk and the magic people currently in my head: “If you say one more thing, I’m probably going to light someone on fire. With my mind.”

Comments are closed.

'StacheCast: Every Tuesday!
RSS | iTunes

One Last Missive

One Last Missive

A transmission for those who are lost.

Let's Play: Every Friday!

Portal 2: Peer Review – Part 6

Portal 2: Peer Review – Part 6

Seriously, let's play Portal 2.

6. “Urine?”
Big surprise, we solved some puzzles. Bigger surprise? We didn’t spend a good fifteen minutes staring at the walls in hopes of figuring it out. Yup, we really had our genius hats on for this one, right up until our enlarged genius-brain filled heads couldn’t fit through the exit door. Then we took off our genius caps and promptly realized we were still morons.