Thick Moustache: Gentlemanly Studies on Modern Leisure

God dammit, Nintendo

Posted by David on August 22nd, 2011

Why you gotta be so pretty?

We were over. Done.

Now you go and announce the release date of Legend Of Zelda: Skyward Sword. A game, it’s worth mentioning, that I actually want to play.

Great. I’ll have to dust off the ol’ Wii and pony up $60 bucks for one last go around with the girl. The only reason I’m pissed is because it’s going to remind me of everything that the Wii was promised to be, and now you’ve decided to drop a massive deuce of Zelda greatness right before you get off the pot. From the sounds of it, this game will be everything I’ve dreamed of in a Wii release, minus realistic breast interaction.

Seriously, look at this shit:

It’s exciting in the same ways it’s frustrating. Where has this game been? Since I got it, the Wii hasn’t been much more than a sad, silly-looking paperweight, bereft of function; a monument to a seemingly clever gimmick that didn’t deliver. Well, that and an excuse for an amazing number of lame pee jokes.

Whatever the case, Nintendo, shut up and take my money—for the last time. Just as the Wii U catches up to the other current gen systems, I’ll be looking forward to the new Xbox 720 or 1080 or whatever, and preparing to enjoy games so advanced, they’ll be closer to some kind of bizarre fugue state than games. At least where Suda 51 games are concerned.

Enjoy your swan song, Wii. Looks like Skyward Sword will be just that.


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