Posted by Asif on September 13th, 2011
I’ve played a lot of Zelda games. I’ve even enjoyed some of them. That said, I’m not sure what sort of mouth-breathing psychopath wants to play the tried and true, run into the ground formula of Zelda for 50 to 100 hours. Apparently, that’s how many hours of the Zelda formula you can expect from Skyward Sword. I’m sure that’s a huge selling point to someone who is not an adult. Well, I’m an adult and I’ve got things I have to do, Nintendo, like feed my addiction to nicotine patches and Nicorette gum.
I’ve never smoked cigarettes, but the idea of being addicted to something piqued my interest after hearing so many reports that videogames can cause drug-like addictions. I’ve played videogames for years, but suddenly I felt like I was missing out on something. Despite how many videogames I’ve played I’ve never felt the tug of the digital heroin on my soul. I needed something to fill the space in my heart where all the addiction is supposed to go.
I considered picking up smoking, but having to leave my chair – possibly several times an hour – made that a hard sell. So, I decided to forget the part where I had to stand outside in the cold, puffing on some burning paper, and went right to the addictive part. I bought a bunch of nicotine patches and Nicorette gum from the local CVS in the hopes of finding out which would be more effective in getting me hooked. Good news! They both work great. To put that in context, I’d punch a child right now for taking any of these fine products away from me.
So, Nintendo, if you think you can compete with crippling addiction, good luck. I’m an adult now. Playing as a pointy-eared man in a dress for a hundred hours isn’t doing it for me.