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Oh, good. Ben Affleck is making a video game movie.

Posted by David on August 25th, 2011

Number of times he said, "This is gonna be RAD!" in the pitch meetings.

The undisputed king of douche, Ben Affleck, is angling to star, direct, and produce a video game movie, apparently all from a first-person-shooter perspective. If you’ll remember the incredibly atrocious FPS sequence from Doom, this sounds like a groin-punchingly bad idea.

I’m not saying that a movie from a first person view couldn’t work. Look at Cloverfield, for instance. The movie was effectively first person, but it also came with sometimes nauseating results. This didn’t bother me, I loved the roller coaster effect that it had, but when you’ve got audiences barfing all over each other ala The Goonies, maybe it’s time to reconsider the formula. Unless you’re into turning a movie theater into a weird snuff film.

But hey, maybe Affleck can pull it off. Both Gone Baby Gone and The Town were good, so it’s not like the guy can’t direct. He can sure as hell direct a lot better than he acts. Man, he was bad in Pearl Harbor. Seriously, even he knew how bad he was, look:

Dahhh! It's everywhere.

Ben Affleck, hoping the john is somewhere nearby.

It’s simple folks, movies are different from video games. When you try to cram too much movie into a game, you wind up with Metal Gear Solid 4. When you try to stuff too much game into a movie, you end up with a vomit-inducing shit fest that no one wants to watch. Basically, just imagine how much my girlfriend hates watching me play Team Fortress 2. Right, then double it. That’s how much we want to watch a FPS movie.

I’d probably go out of my way to tell Ben Affleck, but he probably wouldn’t listen. Besides, he’s way too busy pouting and flexing.

Sensitive, but sculpted.

He's so sad, but he still really wants you to scope out his abs.

[Source: MSNBC]

One Response to Oh, good. Ben Affleck is making a video game movie.

  1. Woah! I thought that was Luke Perry. Or maybe Matt Damon. Are you sure those abs weren’t photoshop’ed?! Oh wait, this post was about him directing or something. Sorry, got distracted.

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