Thick Moustache: Gentlemanly Studies on Modern Leisure

The Massive Human Boner’s Reign of Terror Continues

Posted by Asif on August 9th, 2011

Happy Feet, soon to retitled Death March.

Team Bondi isn’t doing so well. It only recently released LA Noire, an industry-leading simulation of yelling at a husband after he just found out his wife has been brutally murdered, then repeating that process over and over again as part of a groundbreaking psychological experiment to answer a simple question: Do players enjoy making other people feel terrible? Now, the studio is going bankrupt. It must have come as quite a shock to the team’s top brass that the market for emotional abuse isn’t infinite. In fact, it’s restricted to about four million people who buy videogames and, as confirmed by every episode of COPS, people who live in trailer parks. Four million might be enough if you create a device that converts emotional abuse into an alternative energy source, but it’s not if you produce one of the highest budget games of all-time.

Brendan “Massive Human Boner” McNamara, leader of Team Bondi, devourer of souls, has started the process of moving whatever’s left of his gang of wage slaves over to KMM Studios. KMM is run by George Miller, maker of films about dancing penguins and, before that, the thankfully bereft of dancing, Mad Max. The great part about all of this is that George Miller wants to bring McNamara aboard for the explicit purpose of running employees into the ground to meet incredible deadlines, a skill that McNamara has mastered between his daily routine of head shaving and lard sandwich eating. The ability to grind people down into some sort of productivity paste must be a really useful in this tough economy. I imagine this collaboration will play out with George Miller sitting atop Brendan McNamara’s shoulders, directing McNamara’s path of intimidation and human destruction, so we can enjoy the kind of movie about dancing penguins that only human misery can produce. Also, McNamara will be the biggest dick George Miller has ever had between his legs.

McNamara wears the helmet so Miller doesn't slide right off of his bald head.

An artist's interpretation of McNamara's and Miller's working relationship.

[Source: VG247]

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