Thick Moustache: Gentlemanly Studies on Modern Leisure

Week of 5/2/11 – Battle of Kick-Ass Edition

Posted by David on May 4th, 2011

Monkey watches horrible schlock.

What’s new on Netflix Instant this week? Let’s take a look and hope we don’t catch anything particularly virulent.

My Best Friend’s Wedding (5/6/11)

This Julia Roberts classic is finally available on Netflix Instant, so if you’ve been waiting, alone in the dark, wearing only your pajamas, clutching a slowly-thawing carton of ice cream and what’s left of your dying youth, wait no more! Julia Roberts plays a food writer who… seriously, how is this not a prequel to Eat, Pray, Love? Julia Roberts, why do you make so much money?

The Ten Commandments (5/6/11)

My first response to this listing was, “Christian Slater was in The Ten Commandments!?” The answer is yes! But it’s not the Charleton Heston epic, it’s some animated remake that doesn’t have Yul Brynner, so I don’t give a crap. PG, fun for the whole family, I’m sure. Parents: see if you can pick out which one is Christian Slater by the sound of desperation virtually oozing through your speakers.

The Guru (5/6/11)

This movie features both Marisa Tomei and Heather Graham. I’m not sure why they decided to do this movie, but perhaps they were getting a little low on their My Cousin Vinny/Boogie Nights money and had an itch for a Bollywood knock-off.

Whatever the reasons, I try not to judge a movie by a single image but…

Heather Graham, sexy but not here.

eXistenZ (5/6/11)

From what I’m reading, this doesn’t sound all bad. An adventure sci-fi thriller starring Jennifer Jason Leigh and Jude Law with a Rotten Tomatoes ranking of 71%/65%? I may just have to watch this instead of ridicule it, even though eXistenZ of sounds less like a movie and more like a male enhancement pill. Side effects include fantasizing about David Cronenberg.

David Cronenberg, giving me a massive Cronenberg

Battle of Los Angeles (5/5/11)

A friend of mine accidentally downloaded this thinking it was Battle: LA last week. According to him, it is not. It is, however another in a long line of releases from the minds that brought you hits like Transmorphers. Judging by the reviews on Netflix, I’m going to say they suckered enough suckers to do PT Barnum proud.

Kick-Ass (5/6/11)

Nicolas Cage plays Nicolas Cage in this gripping true story of a man driven over the edge, while his daughter and his desperate fans come to his aid. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll witness children do, say, and be exposed to things that they shouldn’t even wonder about!

 

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