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Well, folks. George Lucas has gone and done it again.

Posted by David on September 1st, 2011

Come to the Dark Side, nerds.

Shockwaves of impotent rage rippled through the internet yesterday as footage from the new six-movie Star Wars Collection on Blu-Ray surfaced featuring Darth Vader, reprising his unfortunate (and hilarious) “NOOOOOOOOOO!” from the end of Revenge of the Sith. Here is the actual, unfortunate, Blu-Ray clip:

Jesus. As other people around the internet have mentioned, this is upsetting. That moment was perfect as it was, right? He just silently made the decision (you can see it through the mask) and tossed that old, lightning-spewing bastard down a conveniently-placed pit. Classic Vader.

Like most of you, I grew up watching Star Wars. My dad and I used to have lightsaber duels in the living room, while I ran around doing my best Mark Hamill impression. Ironically, this consisted mostly of screaming “NOOOOOOOOO!” and swinging a light saber around. Some things never change.

At any rate, Star Wars was a huge part of my childhood. Even my adolescence. I have fond memories of playing Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire on the N64 growing up. Really, Star Wars was awesome right up until George Lucas shit the bed with The Phantom Menace. And even when he wasn’t ruining his Star Wars legacy with shitty new movies, he was busy sullying the original trilogy. Adding dewbacks where dewbacks once weren’t. MAKING GREDO SHOOT FIRST. Not even this stupid-looking digital Jabba seems happy about that bullshit:

Jabba wants to know, "Hooh, hooh, hooh... why, George?"

He also looks like he might've been groped a little.

What I’m saying is that George Lucas has been shitting in the race car bed of our collective youth for more than a decade. Now, I understand you’re mad, I understand it’s outrageous, but really? Did you not expect him to take it another step? Did you not expect him to shit on the pillow and force your inner child’s face into it? You’re like the nerd version of a battered wife.

So instead of heading to the various internet forums to vent your rage, do me a favor: Do nothing. I mean that, and I mean it sincerely.

The only thing this sort of rage does is give free press to the fact that there’s another edition of Star Wars coming out. Don’t write about it. don’t discuss it, don’t think about it, and certainly don’t buy anything else from Lucas Enterprises LLC. I’m aware that I’m breaking the first rule of Fight Club here, but after this, say and do nothing. Ignore the bully. We’re all nerds here, we should be used to that shit by now.

Boycott the Blu-Ray release? Fuck that. Boycott the franchise. Boycott discussing it. Boycott being a fan.

Really, the only thing we have left to hope for is that Lucas will realize the evil of his ways and throw all of these moronic alterations down a conveniently-placed pit. Hopefully, he won’t have an urge to scream, “NOOOOOOOOO!” Of course, I’m assuming if George finally realizes the truth, the only reason he’ll be yelling “NOOOOOOO!” is because he just shit the bed… for real this time.

[Source: Ain't It Cool News]

4 Responses to Well, folks. George Lucas has gone and done it again.

  1. thank you for saying what needed to be said. Why doesn’t he just release the original trilogy on the original theatrical version. this guy is long gone =>

    • I read the article you linked to the other day, just before I wrote this.

      Eventually, the original series will be re-re-re-released and once again, balance will be restored to the force.

  2. Well – at least we now know Mr. Vader’s emotions during that scene. Before the “NOOOOOOOO!” was added, I didn’t know whether Mr. Vader was happy, sad, optimistic, remorseful, submissive, horrified or just plain nervous. Now we know, he was just going into hysterics over his feelings of envy for the attention that was being paid to Mr. Skywalker by Mr. Emperor. Poor guy. Maybe the next trilogy will be happier.

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