Posted by Asif on August 15th, 2011
Sometimes, when the staff of TM gets together, we argue over who’s the blackest. David folds almost immediately; He is resolutely white, living comfortably in his all-white neighborhood, which, even if he were actually black, would disqualify him. As the only non-white staff member I seemly have a leg up, but that hasn’t stopped Sean from trying to out black me. It usually starts with Sean quoting all of his favorite Tyler Perry movies and shows. In his sassiest black woman voice he’ll say, “Call the po-po. I ain’t scared of no po-po. Call the po-po, ho.” That’s usually followed by, “Lord, help me Jesus! I’m ’bout to run my car right through K-Mart!” If he’s feeling really sassy, and just a little bit sexy, we’ll almost certainly hear, “When I was stripping them little skinny girls got mad at me ’cause I bent the pole. When I got down that thing looked like a horseshoe.”
Written down like that all of those things sound like something a fictional black woman might say, or at least something a black man dressed as a older black woman might say, but coming out of Sean’s face it actually broke the laws of nature and made Sean sound even whiter. So, I guess that leaves me as the lone authority on all things black. I’ll do my duty as the honorary black man of TM and say that based on my authority as an African American I can’t recommend the unaired pilot of the Black Dynamite animated series enough. You can watch it here. It takes the highly successful formula of Blaxploitation movies, puts them in an animated world – with all of the exaggerations that implies – and comes out the other side with something funny and entertaining. The good news is that the series has been picked up for a full season of half-hour episodes by Adult Swim. Which reminds me, I know what you’ve heard about black men, ladies, and it’s completely true; I can’t swim.